Are you one of those students who clamp up in the presence of strangers and just don’t know how to talk to people? Have you had any of the following experiences:

• Do you walk towards a group of students with the intention of making new friends but when someone looks at you, you freeze? Your mind goes blank and you feel a knot of anxiety in your stomach. You force a small smile and walk awkwardly to a quiet corner.
• You don’t understand Hindi well and constantly feel a language barrier. The slangs are lost on you and you feel unable to express yourself. You feel lonely and want someone to talk to but don’t know how.
• Your family situation is not so good and your confidence level is at an all-time low. You dread the expectation to engage in small talk and feel emotionally drained. 
• You have so many stories to share but when you are in a group, you are at a loss of words and have nothing to say.

These experiences are pretty common among students in SMS Varanasi or any other college campus. But here are a few tips on how you can work on your communication skills and improve your personal life as well as professional prospects:

It does not matter what you say. What really matters is how you say it.

Sometime back, I was sitting in the class with my friends. We were discussing the usual things and the day seemed to be a little dull. And then entered Ashish – and the energy of the classroom changed.

He walked in with a big smile, Hi-Fived everyone, and said, “Hey Buddies! What’s going on?” in his typical loud high-energy voice. Everyone smiled. A few of them got up and hugged him and suddenly, the whole group became animated.

Here are the lessons we need to learn about improving our communication skills:

• Ashish was just saying normal things. He did not crack any jokes or tell an enigmatic story. He was saying things we all say to each other. Just said the same words – and what he said did not matter!
• It’s his energy that spoke volumes. Ashish’s words hardly mattered. He walked in with the energy that instantly perked up everyone. Had he walked in with low energy like everyone – and asked the same questions in a monotone, no one would have noticed him.
• Everyone LOVED this man. On the college campus, we spend all day listening to our professors and other students talking like robots – in monotone voices – listening to the same things over and over. Ashish broke that mould with his smile and confident persona. My friend brightened everyone’s day and this is what makes him stand out.

As Ramit Sethi, an author and a famous blogger, says – “There are no Perfect Words.” It’s how you say things that make all the difference.

10 phrases you can use as conversation starters to make friends in college are:

1. Good morning! I am ______. It seems we are in the same class, What’s your name?
2. Hi! I am _____. Do you have today’s class schedule? What’s the next class?
3. Hey, do you know where our next class is? I am kinda lost here.
4. Do you mind if I sit here? I am _____. What’s your name?
5. So, how’s your morning going today?
6. Hey, I didn’t catch some of that lecture. Can I look at your notes and plug in the info I missed?
7. ________, have you completed your assignment yet? I was wondering if you could guide me through it.
8. Hey, nice shoes/haircut/purse/clothes! Where did you get it from?
9. Have you joined a student club yet? Which ones are you considering?
10. Are you living on campus? Where?

Knowing what you might say to someone will make it easier for you to approach them. But as we said earlier, it doesn’t really matter what you say. Just remember to:

1. Flash a big smile. Many of us forget to smile when we are nervous. But a smile is an instant icebreaker. You might practice how to smile in front of the mirror a bit to know that you don’t come off as creepy or inappropriate. Make a video while smiling – and put on your best smile before you approach someone.
2. Find your ideal speech speed. When people are nervous or anxious, they tend to speed up. It might be difficult to process someone what is saying if someone speaks too fast. But such people might also be perceived as more intelligent and credible though less kind and truthful. On the other hand, some are so slow that they put their audiences to sleep. Such people might be seen as less intelligent or competent. Ideally, moderately fast speech (around 210 words per minute) is considered as most persuasive in most situations. It is also said that you can slow down for a more receptive audience and speak faster if your audience is resistant. Recording yourself while speaking can help you gauge your natural speaking pace and adjust your speed as required.
3. Put energy in your words and watch your tone. As in the example given above, if you are energetic while speaking, people will get attracted to you naturally. Watch your tone. Be happy, be energetic – and people will hang to your words every time you speak.

If you are serious about honing your communication skills and making new friends in college, we suggest you do the following three times a day:

• Open conversations with friends you already know and also the new ones,
• Talk to staff in college (in the canteen, security people, and at the reception) that largely remain ignored all day long.
• Note people’s reactions when you ask them something with a smile, speak moderately fast, or look energetic. If they feel uncomfortable, adjust these parameters until people around you look happy to talk to you.

Prepare a well of great stories to share.

Storytelling is a big part of good communication skills. Whether you are trying to make new friends or sell a product, a good story is a great way to make a great first impression, capture the attention of your audience, explain a concept better, persuade them to do something and create good memories.

Use any tool you prefer, such as:

• A notepad,
• A tablet,
• Evernote,
• MS Word or Excel, etc.

to note down the best stories and jokes to use in different situations.

Record experiences or something you have heard or read. Is anything worth sharing? It can be serious, funny, inspirational – or anything entertaining – and you might want to organize them in that way.

Did you have a series of mishappenings on a trip you recently took? Did something happen really that made everyone laugh? Did you get scared of the shadow of a tree? Anything that evokes an emotion should be fine.

Remember, the stories you share should be relevant to the topic and resonate with your audience. Love, loss, challenges, and growth are some universal themes that can work for everyone – and you can bring them to life by describing characters and scenes in detail – and with the way you tell them.

Whether you are telling a personal story or a secondhand story, with a little practice, you can be the life of any party or a friend’s group.

Everyone loves good jokes.

College humour revolves around themes like shared experiences, struggles of college life, classrooms, and cultural references relevant to the present generation. Knowing some lighthearted jokes for a casual gathering is a good idea if you are keen on making new friends in college.

Know what to ask.

Asking questions is the best way to talk to someone you don’t know (Check the conversation starters above). Also, when you don’t know what to say, asking a good question is a great way to keep the conversation going – and allow the other person to talk more.

Most people love to talk. And if you are a great listener – and good at asking questions, your communication skills are likely to be well appreciated by most people.

For someone you don’t know well, you can make an observation and ask a question on that like “This event seems nice. Are you participating in it?”

Avoid asking ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions. Ask open-ended questions instead, such as, “What made you choose Commerce?”

You may ask questions about your course syllabus, assignments, college events, a local news story, or maybe hobbies and interests. However, do respect someone’s privacy and space and pay attention to their non-verbal cues. If someone is not in the mood to talk, don’t force them. Just smile and move on.

The foundation of good communication skills is to be open and friendly, find a common ground to build a connection, be a great listener, and set the stage for a meaningful conversation. And it becomes easier with practice.

So, keep practising and keep interacting!